Nothing
by Natmonkey
Summary: Joker prepares a surprise for Shepard, but it doesn't quite go as he had planned.


_Looks good._ Joker inspects his artfully arranged trail of discarded clothes, leading from the door to the bed. It's a trail Shepard will happily follow, starting with his boots and ending with his… Hmm. He looks down on the tight black and white shorts covering his loins. On or off? After some debate, the pilot shrugs and chucks them. Shepard just loves easy access. Shit is difficult enough for her as it is, no need to add to that.

She should be here any minute now. Even with the way the woman's been wearing him out, it never gets old. The filthy things she'd been whispering into his earpiece the other day still don't fail to send a chill down his spine. Neither does the thought of their little session in the elevator. It's about time he did something nice for her in return. No doubt she will love her prize.

So how should he welcome her? Joker tries out several daring poses, and comes to the realization that sexy isn't really his thing. Apparently Shepard thinks otherwise, but he's still not convinced of it himself. Things have been a little weird lately though. Only the thought of her drives him almost crazy. A good kind of crazy, mind you. He has his suspicions as to what it might mean; still, he doesn't really like to think about it too much. Besides, this isn't the time for that. He's got some surprising to do. Comfortably Joker settles into the pillows, all attempts at even vaguely looking sexy abandoned. The Commander will probably jump headfirst into his lap anyway.

That mental image makes him even harder than he already is. His hand closes around his cock, slowly stroking up and down. Only now does he notice how tired he really is. Man, that Shepard has way too much energy. An unwanted yawn falls from his mouth. _What's keeping her?_

~*|'-'|*~

Joker's eyes fly open the moment he feels the weight of someone else in the bed. "Aw, I'm sorry I woke you," Shepard whispers. "You look _so_ sweet."

"Uh, surprise?" He can just about kick himself for falling asleep. Some surprise. "Sorry, I wanted to…"

"No, that's okay. I know you're tired." She snuggles up to him, her limbs tangling around his body. Her skin is damp and warm. "I missed you." With a spoken command, she kills the lights.

His face ends up between her breasts, the yielding flesh more comfortable than any pillow. Beneath that typical, generic-as-fuck smell of her shower gel, is the naturally sweet scent of her skin. "Mmm, missed you too," he mumbles sleepily. His arms wrap around her waist of their own accord to draw her even nearer.

Shepard gasps as he deeply breathes her in. A hardened nipple pokes into his cheek. "I'm sorry, Joker, but you know how I get around you." Softly she presses a kiss to his forehead. "Never mind me, just go to sleep. I think you need it."

He definitely does. The realization that he is lying in bed naked with a gorgeous woman, also naked, who for some unfathomable reason thinks he's the hottest thing since sliced bread, however, wipes away all traces of fatigue. _I'll sleep when I'm dead._ Hands gliding down the curve of her ass, Joker lazily twirls his tongue around her left nipple.

"No, don't…" The Commander moans, wriggling in his arms. "You're too tired for this."

"I'm never too tired for you, Shepard." The pilot leaves a trail of kisses up her chest, then her neck, before slipping his tongue into her mouth. Her resistance fades palpably. As per their regular routine, Shepard attempts to flip them over and land herself on top. He lets her; she's so very easy to touch all over this way. Nothing but peachy smooth skin under his hands, and firm muscle.

Eager and hasty as always, she soon grabs a firm hold of his hard-on. Shepard rubs the tip between her slick lips and Joker knows exactly where _that_ is going. Not this time though. Now it's his turn to get the lady on her back, pinning her hands above her head. "Well..." She looks up at him, eyes half-lidded. "This is different." Even illuminated by nothing but the vague blue glow of the aquarium, her need for him is evident on her face. Still preventing the Commander from using her hands, he brushes parts of her skin he knows are very sensitive with airy touches. "Come on, Joker, you don't have to do this," she mewls, squirming weakly. "Let me take care of you."

"You always take care of me." Each word, murmured into the crook of her neck, has her quivering against his lips. "So now I'm going to take care of you, like it or not." With Shepard no longer wriggling as his cue, Joker releases her hands. She wraps her arms around his neck, whimpering happily whenever he touches her. The pilot reads her skin like a map; he pays extra attention to every little sensitive spot and imprints each and every one of them on his memory. The beautiful sounds of her pleasured moans fill his ears.

For a seasoned marine like she is, Shepard's figure is still all woman. Fairly large breasts, small waist, round hips, not too much muscle. Joker shudders to think what would happen if she'd fill out more; he'd probably want to lie around all day fucking her, and not get any work done. Quickly he pushes that thought from his mind to focus on the task at hand. Or well, task... More like a damned good treat. Her tits fits nicely in his hands with a bit to spare. The flesh is firm and soft at the same time, her small nipples anything but soft at the moment. Gently he rolls them between thumb and forefinger, and is rewarded with an encouraging sigh. That sigh abruptly turns into a long-drawn moan as he first sucks the right, then the left nipple into his mouth, plying the other with his fingers.

Although playing with boobies could never, ever, _ever_ get boring, Joker has to move on. He kisses himself a path down the Commander's fit six-pack. Briefly he sticks his tongue into her belly button, eliciting from her the most endearing giggle he has ever heard. He wastes no time at all in gushing over it, because a delicious scent invites him to go lower, lower, until he can bury his nose in the small patch of soft black fur between Shepard's long legs.

Strange but true: this will be the first time he gets to taste her. There was just never an opportunity, or rather, Shepard has never let him touch her like this. For a while he looks at her down there. It all looks so delicate, nothing at all like the rest of her. Hesitantly his tongue dips between her swollen pink lips. Joker is immediately hooked. Sweet, tart, salty; she tastes like all those things, and still it's impossible to describe the flavor properly. He slips his index finger into her, slowly, feeling how the snug sheath tightens around it. Fascinating. It's not only the entire inside that moves; he can clearly feel little individual muscles twitch. In response to his attentions, Shepard spreads her legs a little wider and moans in delight.

Ever so lightly he touches the tip of his tongue to Shepard's clit. The little thing reacts immediately, creeping out from under its hood and growing. This time, the Commander bucks her hips in a reflex; Joker instantly has a faceful of warm, wet, tasty pussy. He fucking loves every bit of it. Her taste, her scent, her enthusiasm, the noises she's making, the palpable reactions around his finger. With a great deal of enthusiasm of his own, the pilot prepares to rock her world. His licks start off slow and light, gradually building up on speed and intensity as Shepard's legs, which she's draped over his shoulders without him even noticing, begin quivering more and more.

Just as his almost ridiculously fast flicking tongue begins getting numb and tired and the muscles in his neck are straining painfully, Shepard cries out. It sounds different somehow; a hoarser, deeper, rawer noise. Her legs close around his head, so tightly he can hardly breathe. She rides his face like a pony. Difficult to continue pleasuring her, but so worth it. It's the sexiest thing ever, and it makes his cock jump like nothing else. He still has the presence of mind to gradually decrease his motions, until her vise-like grip on his head relaxes. "Oh. My. _God!_" Shepard pants, her chest rising and falling at a rapid pace. She tries to prop herself up on her elbows, but they are shaking too wildly. "Jesus Christ, Jeff, that was... I... I don't... I just... I can't even... God..."

Hearing her use his proper name makes him all weak in the knees, her current numb-with-pleasure state fills him with pride. Carefully he removes his finger from inside her pulsating cunt and licks away her juices. Delicious. That's what she tastes like. "I'm glad you like it." Chuckling under his breath, Joker places a row of light kisses down the inside of Shepard's thigh. She shivers with every single one. "I wonder if you'll react the same after the second time, or the fourth..." His kisses come increasingly closer to their goal.

"After the wha... _Ah_!" The Commander has no choice but to lie back and enjoy the attention given to her by a man so very eager to please. Her favorable reaction has made him even more determined to pleasure this woman's brains out. While he is virtually devouring her soaking wet pussy, the pilot revels in her squirming, her moaning, in her clawing nails at his back. For a second time he makes her come, then again, and again. And again. After the fifth time (or is that six?), hardly any noise comes out of her anymore.

"Commander?" Grinning, Joker positions himself between her legs. His cock rests snugly against her snatch. "Are you okay?" Her eyes, rolled back so far in her head only the whites are showing, are a cause for concern. His grin quickly fades; he cups her face in his hands, gently caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. "Shepard, talk to me."

Her eyes abruptly snap back into a more normal position. "Please," she begs breathlessly. "One more time?" Full lips are parted, dark eyes unfocused. Her cheeks carry a deep shade of red, beads of sweat rolling from her forehead. Joker has always found his Commander unusually good-looking, but seeing her like this just turned her into the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. There is no way in hell he could deny her anything. Even if he wanted to.

Capturing her lips in a tender kiss, his right hand glides down her taut stomach before it finds the little nub he has come to know so well. She gasps into his mouth when his fingers begin circling that sensitive area. Her body is still convulsing as he slides into her. This time he makes his strokes long and slow. Gentle. Joker takes his time with Shepard as if there are no Reapers threatening the galaxy, as if this were their last time together. It may well be, for all they know.

And for the first time, the Commander doesn't scream for him to fuck her harder and faster. She covers his face with kisses, whimpering blissfully. Tightly she wraps her arms and legs around him. Her hips rise to meet his thrusts. Now and then she whispers his name in a way that makes his insides turn to goo. She just looks so damned happy. It's sweet, it's adorable, it's... It's exactly what he was going for. Joker buries his face in the lady's neck to deeply inhale her sweet smell.

It takes a very long time (courtesy of a whole lot of willpower) for that familiar feeling to start in his gut. Somehow it's a lot stronger than normal, more intense. Perceptive as always, Shepard looks up at him with fever in her eyes. "Come for me," she whispers.

And come he does. As if his climax is never-ending, he throbs and throbs and throbs inside of her. A tidal wave of pleasure rages through his system like never before. After his head has come out of the clouds, Joker looks down on the woman lying underneath him. She is so beautiful, so strong, and so a thousand other good things. "Shepard... Olivia, I..." No, he can't even think those words, let alone say them out loud, no matter how strongly he feels it.

"Hmmm, what?" she murmurs inquisitively. Her hands are resting on the back of his neck, fingers dancing through the hair at the nape of his neck. "What is it?"

"Nothing." He pecks her on the nose, suddenly very ashamed of himself. Why can't he just come out and say it?

Shepard must have read the look on his face, because she smiles that lovely smile of hers. Genuine affection is shining in her eyes. Wrapping him tightly in her arms, she whispers: "I nothing you too."


End file.
